Blog

Self-awareness, one chapter at a time.

Start from something you have noticed about yourself, or start from the framework. Both routes end in the same place.

Start here

Something you have noticed

Each one begins with the complaint in ordinary words and works back to what is actually running underneath it. No prior reading needed.

Why Do I Ignore Problems Until They Become Urgent?

Renewing the passport eleven days before the flight isn't bad planning. It's a thinking error with four levels — and naming yours is most of the fix.

6 min readlands on Discounting

Why Am I So Exhausted After Socialising?

You enjoyed it. You liked those people. And you got home and couldn't speak. Usually it isn't introversion — it's which kind of contact you were doing.

6 min readlands on Time structuring

Why Do I Always Feel Less Than Everyone Else?

Everyone else seems to have been given the manual. It isn't really about them — it's a position you took early about who is allowed to be all right.

7 min readlands on Life positions

Why Do I Need Constant Reassurance?

You ask if they're annoyed. They say no. You believe it for about an hour. The reassurance isn't landing because it isn't what you're actually short of.

6 min readlands on Psychological hungers

Why Do I Pick Fights When Things Are Going Well?

Calm arrives and something in you starts hunting for a problem. It isn't self-sabotage — it's a hunger being fed the only way you learned to feed it.

6 min readlands on Psychological hungers

Why Do I Shut Down During Arguments?

You go quiet, flat, absent — and it reads as not caring when it's the opposite. Shutting down is a learned move with a specific job to do.

6 min readlands on Time structuring

Why Can't I Take a Compliment?

Someone says something kind and you deflect, downgrade, or hand it back. That isn't modesty. It's a rule about how much recognition you're allowed to keep.

6 min readlands on Strokes

Why Do I Keep Rescuing People Who Don't Want Help?

You solve, they resist, you try harder, everyone ends up resentful. Rescuing is a role in a three-hander, and the exhaustion is the point, not an accident.

7 min readlands on Drama triangle

Why Do I Feel Like a Fraud at Work?

The evidence says you're competent. The feeling says you got away with it again. Usually that isn't about competence — it's about not taking up room.

7 min readlands on Injunctions

Why Do I Say Yes When I Mean No?

You hear yourself agree while the whole of you is objecting. The yes isn't weakness — it's a driver doing its job faster than you can think.

6 min readlands on Script drivers

Why Do I Overthink Every Message Before I Send It?

Three drafts for a two-line reply. Rereading a sent message for tone. That isn't carefulness — it's a rule saying the work is never finished.

6 min readlands on Script drivers

Why Do I Apologise for Everything?

Sorry for asking, sorry for existing, sorry when someone bumps into you. It isn't politeness — it's a survival strategy that outlived its situation.

6 min readlands on Ego states

Why Do I Feel Guilty Saying No to My Parents?

You said no. Nothing bad happened. You feel terrible anyway. The guilt isn't evidence you did something wrong — it's a substitute feeling doing a job.

7 min readlands on Racket feelings

Why Do the Same Arguments Keep Happening?

Different day, different trigger, identical ending. When a row repeats with that precision it isn't a communication problem — it's a game with a script.

7 min readlands on Drama triangle

Go deeper

The framework, explained

One guide per idea in Transactional Analysis. These assume you want the concept itself rather than a way in.

What Are Ego States in Transactional Analysis?

The five ego states — Critical Parent, Nurturing Parent, Adult, Free Child, Adapted Child — explained in plain language. How they shape your thoughts, feelings, and reactions every day.

8 min readego statestransactional analysis

Strokes in TA: The Currency of Human Contact

In Transactional Analysis, a stroke is any unit of recognition — a smile, a criticism, a hello. Learn how your stroke economy shapes your relationships, self-worth, and emotional health.

7 min readstrokestransactional analysis

The Drama Triangle: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer

Stephen Karpman's drama triangle explains the three roles people unconsciously rotate through in conflict. Learn to spot the pattern — and step out of it.

7 min readdrama triangletransactional analysis

Transactional Analysis vs CBT: Which Therapy Approach Fits You?

Two of the most widely used psychotherapy frameworks compared. How TA and CBT differ in theory, practice, and what they ask of you as a client.

8 min readtherapypsychotherapy

What Is Discounting in Psychotherapy?

Discounting is the unconscious habit of ignoring problems, minimising their importance, or doubting your ability to act. A TA concept that explains why smart people stay stuck.

7 min readdiscountingtransactional analysis

Transactions in Transactional Analysis: Click, Crash, Hide

How conversations click (complementary), crash (crossed), or hide their real meaning (ulterior). A plain-language guide to transactions in Transactional Analysis.

8 min readtransactionstransactional analysis

Time Structuring: The Six Ways We Spend Time With People

Eric Berne's six modes of time structuring — Withdrawal, Rituals, Pastimes, Activities, Games, Intimacy — and the trade-off between safety and real connection.

8 min readtime structuringtransactional analysis

Life Positions: The OK Corral in Transactional Analysis

I'm OK–You're OK and its three shadows. How the four life positions form in childhood, shape your relationships for life, and how to choose OK–OK.

9 min readlife positionstransactional analysis

Life Script: The Unconscious Story You Live By

How Transactional Analysis explains the life plan we decide in childhood — and the five drivers (Be Perfect, Be Strong, Try Hard, Please Others, Hurry Up) that enact it.

9 min readlife scripttransactional analysis

Racket Feelings in Transactional Analysis: The Feeling You Fake

What racket feelings are in Transactional Analysis: the familiar substitute emotion you learned in childhood, the racket system that maintains it, and trading stamps.

8 min readracketstransactional analysis

Autonomy in Transactional Analysis: Awareness, Spontaneity, Intimacy

Berne's ideal outcome of therapy: autonomy — the recovery of awareness, spontaneity and intimacy. How breaking out of your life script restores real freedom.

8 min readautonomytransactional analysis

The 12 Injunctions & 5 Drivers in Transactional Analysis

All 12 injunctions and 5 drivers in Transactional Analysis: the childhood messages you still obey, and the permission that answers each one.

8 min readinjunctionsdrivers

Psychological Hungers in Transactional Analysis (TA)

Eric Berne's three psychological hungers — stimulus, recognition, and structure — are appetites as real as physical hunger. Here's how they drive behaviour.

8 min readpsychological hungerstransactional analysis

Reading about it is a start. Seeing it in yourself is the shift.

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